The true me:
First, I want to say good morning. I am up before my little one and enjoying my coffee. So my mind is at ease and ready to write. This one is not going to be easy for me to write because I like to judge myself and put myself down sometimes. So here goes everything.
When I was young I remember living in a neighborhood where a lot of other children lived. We would all gather and play football out in the street, we would go to church together, we were all friends.
I had a clean and safe home I was raised in. My momma was strict but I sit and think back about it and I am glad she was like she was. I didn’t get in trouble as a child, and I respected my elders. My mom took me to the nursing home where she worked and I volunteered and help out with the patients. I got close to a patient and she was the sweetest lady in that place. When she passed away I quit volunteering there because I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I was made to go to school every day, made to play outside when it was nice out, and had chores I was required to do without an allowance. I lived there so it’s only fair to help keep the home clean.
As a Teenager:
When I was 15 years old I remember going to this bar where they had a night for teenagers. It was to dance and hang out with your friends. This place was called Brandy’s and was in Battle Creek, Michigan.
I meet this guy and he was 19 years old so I was not so sure my mom would let me date him. My mom gave me permission to date him but I had to have my cousin Laura with me. When Shawn would come pick us up he had a friend with him. Now that I am older I know what his true intentions were for Laura and Paul.
This was when I was introduced to marijuana. So now I am this child that is having sex and smoking marijuana because my mom gave me some trust. I end up pregnant and that is when Shawn has decided he had his fun with me and it was time to move on.
I was so scared to tell my mom I was pregnant. I think I suckered Laura into telling her. This is when my childhood ended and my adult lift started. At the age of 15 years old.
My first marriage:
I ran into a boy that I had gone to elementary school with and we started talking and the next thing you know we got married. In 1990, we got married and I had my second son. When I was pregnant for my second child that is when the abuse started. I remember standing at the stove cooking dinner and I am not sure what he was mad about but he came running at me and pushed me so hard I hit the floor and slide across it. Then I remember him on the couch on top of me choking me and his brother came out of the bathroom and threw him off me. The abuse got worse and the marriage ended in 1992 but I still stayed with him. I tried to get away from him and could not. I will update you more on that part of my life later. Before I could get away from him and I was on birth control, I got pregnant for the third time.
My second marriage:
I was raising 3 little boys on my own. I worked from 5 pm to 1 am. At this point in my life, I was pretty messed up from all the abuse I suffered in my first marriage. It took me years to recover. Every night when I came home from work I would take a couple hits off a joint and this would help me be able to sleep. I never smoked around my kids and I am not ashamed to say I self-medicated myself. I didn’t smoke to get high, I just smoked so my mind would stop racing and could relax and sleep.
Bill is my second and last husband. We have been married for over 21 years. He liked to drink and I still liked to smoke at night. This didn’t work for us. I didn’t want to be with an alcoholic and he didn’t want someone who smoked. We both gave up them habits. We got married in 1994 and had a son in 1996. We moved to Tennessee in 1998. Bill is my best friend and he knows me better than anyone. I was 21 and he was 36 when we married.
My life today:
Kids are my life. They are what keeps me going when things get tough. Every child deserves a chance at a good life. I raised all of my birth children and I am still raising children. When my youngest Billy was 11 years old, I started over with Garrett, when Garrett was 7 years old, I started over with Joshua. Yes, this makes life exhausting but it is worth every moment.
I am a soft-hearted person and my feelings get hurt easily. I keep the pain to myself and just act like nothing happens for the most part. Now if you want to get a fire up under me, mess with any of my kids. That soft-hearted person is gone and momma bear comes out to defend her young. I don’t care if there grown or not, I do not tolerate anyone messing with my babies. I am 5’1 and I don’t care if there is a 6 ft or 10 ft man standing between me and my child, I will do what I got to do to protect them.
On a daily base, I wake up and have coffee, check emails if Joshua allows it, maybe get some writing in. I then get the household chores done, shower and give Joshua a nap if I am lucky. If Joshua takes a nap I write or do some reviews. My life at this day and time is focused around Joshua. I am just a full-time momma and love my children very much.
I struggle with a few things but not sure it something I will ever be able to share. If you read what I write, I am sure you will figure some of them out on your own.
- I love to drink coffee from the time I am awake to the time I go to bed. ( has to be Folgers or McDonald’s)
- My favorite color is green.
- I am anti-social to the public.
- I love my children with unconditional love.
- I have very few people I call friends.
- I hate the saying ( life is what you make of it)
- I have OCD and anxiety.
Thank you for taking the time to read. Please feel free to tell me a little about yourself in the comments below.