I have adopted 3 children and all of their adoptions have been because of certain and different circumstances. I would like to explain why I think their birth parents should be involved in their lives.
Firstly I think I should explain what I’ve had to go through for thirty some odd years. I was always told that the man I knew as my biological father wasn’t my real father. I love this man but never really had a close relationship because we drifted apart as I grew up. I don’t think any child should have to go through what I did. Not knowing for sure who their father or mother is mentally damaging. I had issues until my late thirties when me and my father got a DNA test done, and well now I can say he is in fact my biological father.
The first child me and my husband adopted was a teenager although I never personally met his parents. I’ve seen his mother once in court, and he was in states custody at the time due to his parents being addicted to drugs. I had no say about him knowing his parents because he was already to old for me to decided that. Although at that time I would have liked to keep him away from them because they had never gotten clean.
Our second adopted child knows his birth mother and is involved with his her. Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I know she loves our son and she did what was best for him at the time. She’s a very strong, loving, and caring person and honestly not many mothers will do what’s best for their child when it comes to letting someone else raise, or adopt them if needed. Simply because they fear what others may say. As a matter of fact it was several years later before she even agreed to let us adopt him… he knows who she is and he knows she loves him and he loves her just as much, and we talk to him all the time and when he has question about that topic we answer them as honestly as we can. He also understands that me and his biological mom have a good friendship. As for his biological father… now that’s a different story all together that’s better fit for another time. That’s one person that’ll never have a relationship with our son, and it’s simply because of the choices he has made in his life and I believe he would only bring damage to my son.
Our third son we’ve adopted is biologically our grandson. I became his parent when he was three days old because he was born with NAS. If you want to read more about NAS and my experience here’s a link: http://www.mommyreviewer.com/2016/02/23/having-a-baby-with-neonatal-abstinence-syndrome/
My son has never met him because he went to prison a month before he was born. His birth mother was still using and wasn’t clean enough to care what was going on.
My son and her ended up getting into drugs, and shortly after he got her pregnant. Although they ended up not being together but my son kept doing drugs and inevitably he ended up in prison. She also continued to do drugs while she was pregnant and sadly that resorted in having a baby with NAS.
I plan to take him to meet both his biological parents soon, but this is their second and last chance to be involved in his life. They will have a choice of drugs and prison or they can be apart of his life. I think every child should know their birth parents if it’s safe. I will be truthful and tell you that this isn’t easy for me. I want to keep him all to myself but I believe in second chances and I’m doing what I think is best for him and not for me.
He’s going to meet them and that’s it. I will not introduce them as mom and dad because I’m his mother and my husband is his father. When he’s old enough to understand and they’ve been clean for several years then we’ll take a step forward to who they are. If they’re not clean or staying out of prison then there has been no damage done because my son (the father) will be known as his brother, and his mother will be known as a good friend.
All adoptions are different and there are reasons why a child shouldn’t know their parents. In my case I love the birth parents of two of my adopted children.
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