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Compromising The Way To Independence

Posted by Kerri Mosher on May 13, 2017 in Blog |

The love a mother feels for her children is an amazing thing. When you hold your baby in your arms, for the first time and every time after, you feel you would take on the world to keep them safe. What you don’t realize is that they are the often the ones you will be taking on. As they get older, your kids will fight for independence every step of the way. It’s natural and is all part of their going from being kids to fully fledged adults. The trouble is, they often make rash decisions. Hence why you’ll be fighting them to…well, keep them safe. It’s no easy battle. In fact, it can cause a huge deal of anxiety. Not to mention many sleepless nights!

 

When your kids start kicking back, bear in mind that you won’t do yourself any favors by saying no all the time. Think back to your childhood. How often did your parents say no, only for you to do the thing behind their backs anyway? Even the best kids break the rules sometimes. And, if your child is acting without your consent, you have no way to watch their behavior. Not to mention that it puts a barrier up in a relationship that should always be open. That’s why compromise is essential when your child feels the need to grab their independence. It’s the best way to keep them safe, and it also gives them some degree of freedom.

Let’s look at a few scenarios in which compromise could help you reach a happy conclusion. To start, the issues will be small. Your child may want to bend the rules on where in the street they’re allowed to go, or how late they’re allowed to stay out. At a young age, they’ll be satisfied quite easily. Stretch the rules a little without making major ripples. Extending the area you allow them to play in a little will mean a lot. And, stretching their bedtime by 15 minutes isn’t going to hurt anyone. Yet, these small changes will strengthen the relationship of trust. They’ll also help your child feel they have some control over what happens.

Of course, the compromises don’t stay simple. Soon, you’ll have to decide whether to get them a phone. A good compromise for this would be to say that they can have a phone, but only to use in the evenings. Then, before you know it, they’ll want to learn to drive. If you don’t think they’re ready, you could always convince them to get a scooter first. That way, they’ll be aware of rules on the road when the time comes for driving lessons.

One day, they’ll be ready to leave the nest. There’s no denying that the decision will be out of your hands by that point. But, your theme of compromise will allow you to reach an arrangement that suits everyone. Simple things, like agreeing to have a meal together once a week, will make the transition easier.

 

 

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