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Helping Kids Grow Through A Rocky Patch In The Marriage

Posted by Kerri Mosher on April 25, 2017 in Blog |

When you start a family, you have more than a relationship. You have a whole tapestry of relationships. When something happens in one thread, the vibrations pass through all the threads they touch. That’s why considering the kids in any relationship becomes a much more serious part of what was once a two-person affair. If you’re concerned about how to handle it, here are a few ways to ensure that kids make it through a patch no matter how rocky it might get.

Keep things civil for them

First and foremost, you must make sure to not let them get caught up in the ugliness that can sometimes rage inside the human heart during a time of turmoil. In a perfect world, we’d think twice about the petty and angry things we could say and your kids give you all the better reason to do it. Never let yourself use them as pieces on some relationship chessboard. Even in the worst outcomes, services like http://www.leighdaniellaw.com can help you handle manners in the most civilized and well-justified of behaviors. You’re only one-half of a relationship, but you can do your best to keep things civil for them. Don’t force them to take sides and don’t talk about your partner when you’re arguing with them. Deal with things as an adult.

Make the effort to bond

Not all rocky patches are down to arguments, however. There are plenty that is caused simply by a longing for someone when they can’t be there. If you’re in a marriage that is often long-distance thanks to work or service, then you’re not the only one feeling that heartache. Your kids are, too, and they’re less equipped to deal with it. So, it’s up to you to help better handle it by making the effort to bond. With video calls, there’s very little reason that they can’t have a face-to-face every night or as often as available. Even when you can’t use them, make sure you’re doing things to strengthen a bond by sending letters, pictures, and keeping a conversation going even if it’s a slow-paced one.

Above all else, talk

Talking to children can be difficult, as stated at http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/talking-to-children.aspx. Many of them have a much higher emotional intelligence than we give them credit for, but often they don’t have the context to explain their feelings to themselves. When you want to check up on them or you have something to tell them, don’t put it off and hope for them to forget about it or get it subconsciously. Practice the conversation with yourself and have a plan of what you want to say. Then find a quiet moment where you have the peace and time to reassure them while listening to their feelings on the matter. Too many children grow up unable to express themselves because parents simply didn’t provide them with a safe place to do it when they needed to.

Changes in relationships that we’ve grown up can leave voids of unexplained emotion in children as they grow up. Frustration, anger, and sadness can fester. That’s why it’s important to deal with them now and to heal any wounds, no matter how temporary or permanent, caused by a relationship.

 

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