If you have lost a child how are you making from day-to-day?
I am not sure if there is a good or bad way to get from day-to-day after the loss of a child. I think the way I do it may not be a good way for me mentally but it works.
I won’t come to terms with the fact that he is not coming home to see me. I tell myself he is living in Michigan.
Before John left us he lived in Michigan with the rest of my family. I didn’t get to see him often but I could see him a couple of times out of the year. So I tell myself that he is there.
When that dose of reality hits me, I cry and I get angry and I don’t understand. It’s short because I yell at myself in my head telling myself to shut up.
These doses of reality hit me out of nowhere and I hate it. They don’t come as often as they use to and I am thankful for that.
John came to Arkansas in January of 2012 and he left in February of 2012. It has been four plus years and it still hurts as much as it did the day he left me.
I sit and wonder how many of them red-headed grand-babies he would have given me and I cry and get angry until I tell myself to stop it, it’s all not real.
So is there anybody out there that does this or is it just me? Will I ever come to terms with the reality or is the pain too much to bare that I will keep going on lying to myself?
If you lie to yourself about reality, does it make you feel like people may think your crazy if you tell them how you cope?
I know I am not crazy, I know the truth but the pain is too much for me to tell myself the truth.
I am thankful for the 19 years I had with him but I truly thought I would have the rest of my life with him.