On October 12, 2013, we lost my baby sister to a drug overdose. She has going to be 35 years old on the 27th of October 2013.
We knew my sister had a drug problem but she was an adult and we did not know how to get her help. She didn’t want the help so it made it even harder for us.
On October 12, 2013, I had my niece with me and we went over to the hospital that was about twenty miles away from our home. On October 10, 2013, I was blessed with the birth of my twin grandbabies. I had just got to the hospital when I got that call. It was my mom, she said, Kerri I need you to come home right now, I said, why what is wrong, I could tell something horrible was wrong. I begged her to tell me and she started crying and said come home. I could hear panic and fear in her voice. She would not tell me what was going on, only that I needed to come home now. I called my husband and I told him to get to my moms now something was wrong and they won’t tell me. She didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me driving all upset. Well, I drove upset.
When I got about half way home and I looked in the back mirror and seen my niece and then it hit me. My mom had just told me that my sister showed up to do laundry and she was messed up from the drugs. My mom left the house to go to the store and when she came back home she found my sister in the basement on the bed unresponsive.
I could not get anyone to answer the phones so I am still in the dark as to what is going on. I finally, safely make it to my mom’s and when I get there I see ambulance and people everywhere. My husband was inside and I had no way to get in there without getting in the way. I don’t even remember who came up to me and told me it was my sister and things did not look good.
The next thing I know, I see them bringing my sister out on a gurney and a little bit of relief hit me. I was telling myself she was going to be ok, it would be fine. We go to the hospital and when we got there they said she was being worked on and they gave us hope. A little while later they told us she was being taken upstairs and we could go up there.
By this time, the rest of the family is up there. My dad, brother, and my other sister and Lisa’s two kids. They let us go in the room two at a time to see her. She didn’t look like herself, she was cold and the machines were breathing for her. They said they were going to keep an eye on her and we all decided to go home real quick and grab something to eat.
I walked in the door at home and got a call and was told to get back up to the hospital as soon as possible. I get there and nobody else is there yet so I go into her room and sit with her. When my mom got there they asked me to leave the room so they could talk to my mom and my dad.
My siblings and I were in the waiting room when my parents came in and said they had to make a decision and wanted to know what we wanted. They said my sister was brain-dead, her organs kept shutting down and they could not keep her vital signs stable. They wanted to know if we wanted to let her go or have them keep doing everything they can to keep her vitals stable.
I am taking a deep breath so I can finish writing this out!
I knew that if she was brain-dead and her organs were shutting down then she was already gone and there was no sense to keep trying to do the impossible. This makes me feel like shit and I wish I had nothing to do with the decision. I did not want my sister to pass away but she was brain dead and nothing wanted to work anymore. The machine is what kept her breathing and that was it. Her body was cold and had lost all of its complexions.
Shortly after the decision was made to let her go it was over.
One year and 8 months after losing my own son, I lost my sister to drugs and knew all to well the pain that was killing my mom. I am just now able to write about my sons passing but not able to talk in person. Keeping the silence helps the pain ease just a little. Writing about our loss is helping me deal with the pain from the inside. Yes, it is hard to do, but in a couple of days, I will feel a little better.
The pain of losing a child hurts so bad that there is no way to explain it. My heart will feel like a knife is going through it at times.
I do not feel that there is enough help for parents when it comes to adult child and their addition. I was mad at my sister when she was alive because I knew she was throwing her life away. Her kids were already with my mom and she would be gone for days at a time.
One thing I honestly regret and I am sure will haunt me for the rest of my life. The day before my sister passed away, I saw her walking a block over from my moms. She was not alone. I did not stop and ask her if she needed a ride, I didn’t honk and wave. I don’t remember when I told her I loved her for the last time.
We can lose a loved one in a blink of an eye. Please keep that in mind when you are interacting with your loved ones. Don’t let them leave until you tell them you love them, give them a hug.
One thing that I have learned is that when someone is on drugs they are not the same person. You are seeing the drugs, not your loved ones.
Lisa L Nowling
My baby sister born on 10/27/1978 – 10/12/2013
And then seven months later another life taken from drugs…..Stay tuned for part 2